Posted by D
They watch me
on the other side
of the world
I can be
who I want
Posted on May 11, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged poetry. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
This is good, especially in that it can be read several ways. The only suggestion I have is to either remove the line break or to add another, before “far away.” The break pushes the reader towards one reading and decreases the ambiguity. This is a poem in which ambiguity is a good thing, so go for more, at least so say I in I’s opinion.
Makes me think of Castaway with Tom Hanks. I love that scene where he is dancing by the firelight, a modern man cast back to the beginning of time, all life filters removed! This needs to be written right below that scene.
but who are you
and while we might be what we want
how can we know our deepest desires?
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